This message may resonate with you if you are a perfectionist and/or an overachiever often paralyzed by your own expectations. The pressure to meet impossibly high standards can lead to a cycle of procrastination, where the fear of falling short outweighs the desire to begin. You might feel immense shame for your inaction and label yourself as lazy or unmotivated. This harsh self-criticism only deepens your sense of inadequacy, making it harder to break free from the cycle. Over time, you might find yourself trapped in a constant state of self-doubt, exhausted by the burden of your own expectations, but unable to give yourself the grace to move forward imperfectly.

Many times, when people feel lazy or unmotivated, they are actually experiencing overwhelm or painful reminders of invalidation from their past. The self-fulfilling prophecy begins when "procrastination" or "laziness" is in direct proportion with their need for validation. The deep need for external validation is a learned response to years of pressure, criticism, or feeling unseen by communities or society writ large. Unraveling this pattern requires a shift in perspective—recognizing that their worth is not contingent upon relentless productivity, but rather on their inherent humanity (imperfections and all).

I propose a way out for anyone looking to make a leap, build self-discipline, or find a source for motivation. To understand it, I want to address desire and what our duty is as human beings. let's first examine Toni Morrison's insights on love in a 1990 interview:

"It may be true that people say, 'I didn't ask to be born.' I think we did, and that's why we're here. we are here, and we have to do something nurturing that we respect before we go. We must. It is more interesting, more complicated, and more morally demanding... to take care of somebody, to make another person feel good."

Morrison connects our duty on earth with love, but I believe this can be extended to your desires or passions in life. If you have a desire to do something, it's your duty to do it. It is your purpose to do it. Avoiding that makes your soul sad.

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Desire is productive. But when misdirected, it can fuel reactionary forces, it also can turn into a force for control. Desire is a powerful force--its direction determines whether it serves the interests of liberation or oppression. - Deleuze

people don't do things because they believe they won't feel gratified once they accomplish them. so we encourage parents to affirm or validate the goodness their child is doing. when a child is validated, their performance moving forward is improved. this shows us that humans are more likely to embark on a task when they're promised validation.

I go to work because I'm promised a check. A husband does something nice for their spouse because they're going to respond happily.

Individuals who are most likely to suffer from symptoms of depression are the same individuals that require the most validation. Subsequently, individuals that require less validation display less symptoms of depression. [Source](Biological, Psychological, and Social Determinants of Depression: A Review of Recent Literature - PMC

If you find yourself procrastinating, try to focus on the intrinsic motivators of the task, such as enjoyment, and remove your need for external validation.

We have an idea to do something, we try it, it doesn't work, and our brains immediately signals that something is wrong. Where is the reward? Why has nothing changed? We stop and give up. In quitting early, we activate depressive symptoms because we put ourselves, our desires, on pause.

do what you have to do whether people care or not, whether you're validated or not. eventually, that feeling of validation that you're looking for will come from you doing the things you want to do despite the circumstances. this will lead to you validating yourself and reaffirming yourself will then force others to do the same.

I will end with Morrison's continued commentary on love: "love can get to be very excessive. but we don't know when love is too thick, we don't know when it is too much or not enough. that is the problem of the human soul. but we have to try that. we have to that. not doing it is so poor for the self. it's so poor for the mind. it's so uninteresting to live without that. and there is no risk involved."