Lessons from a great Lenny’s Podcast episode https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/how-to-speak-more-confidently-and

Speaking confidently, as much as it may seem, is not an innate talent but a skill that can be cultivated through practice, mindset shifts, and structured approaches. Whether speaking in meetings, giving presentations, or engaging in casual conversations, many people experience nervousness, self-doubt, and the pressure to communicate perfectly. However, confidence in speaking is a process rather than an inherent trait. By understanding how to manage anxiety, structure spontaneous speech, and shift one’s mindset, anyone can improve their ability to speak with confidence.

The Role of Presence and Mindset

One of the most critical components of speaking confidently is being present. Improv, often considered a form of “meditation in action,” teaches valuable skills for communication, especially when speaking spontaneously. Instead of striving for the perfect conversation, which can be mentally exhausting, the focus should be on simply saying something and being engaged in the moment.

Reframing anxiety as excitement is a powerful cognitive tool in overcoming nervousness. The physiological responses to anxiety and excitement—such as increased heart rate and adrenaline release—are identical, but our interpretation of these symptoms determines how they affect us. When preparing for a talk, telling oneself, “I’m excited for this” rather than “I’m nervous” can lead to a more relaxed and confident delivery. This mindset shift not only benefits the speaker but also enhances how they are perceived by the audience.

Harnessing Mantras and Self-Talk

Many people struggle with negative self-talk before speaking, which can lead to hesitation and self-doubt. Creating a mantra can help redirect this internal dialogue. Phrases such as “I have value to bring,” “Last time this went well,” or “I’ve got this” can counteract catastrophizing thoughts and reinforce self-assurance. Recognizing that even the most confident speakers experience nervousness allows for self-compassion. Engaging in an internal conversation with one’s negative self-talk can be an effective way to acknowledge, challenge, and ultimately quiet those doubts.

Structuring Speech for Clarity and Impact

Most people are better at conversations than at formal presentations. A helpful technique is to structure presentations as conversations with oneself, making them more natural and engaging. Spontaneous speaking, which comprises a majority of our daily communication, can be improved through preparation and structure.

One effective approach to structuring spontaneous speech is the “What? So what? Now what?” method:

• What? Explain the topic or issue at hand. (e.g., “This new feature allows users to do X.”)

• So what? Clarify why it matters. (e.g., “This will improve efficiency and user satisfaction.”)

• Now what? Outline the next steps. (e.g., “We plan to launch this feature next quarter.”)

Additionally, since our brains are wired for stories rather than lists, organizing thoughts in a narrative format—beginning, middle, and end—can enhance retention and engagement.

Overcoming the Initial Nerves

The moments leading up to speaking and the first minute of talking are often the most nerve-wracking. Finding personal techniques to navigate this period is crucial. Some effective strategies include:

• Distraction techniques: Starting a presentation with a video or interactive element to shift attention away from oneself before easing into speaking.

• Breathing exercises: Since 80% of neurons send information from the body to the brain, our physical state influences our mental state. A breathing technique where the exhale is twice as long as the inhale can activate the body’s relaxation response.

• Getting present-oriented: Using tongue twisters or even cursing (in a controlled manner) can help focus attention on the present moment rather than future anxieties.

Confidence in speaking is a continual process of improvement. Through mindfulness, cognitive reframing, structured messaging, and physiological techniques, anyone can cultivate the ability to speak more confidently. By shifting the focus from perfection to presence, from anxiety to excitement, and from information-dumping to storytelling, speaking transforms into an an engaging and fulfilling experience.